So I am listening to KFOG yesterday on my way to work and they are having people call in with songs that are turkeys (Thanksgiving week, get it?). The criteria for a turkey is that is should have been popular, like a hit, but is actually dumb, lame, or plain bad.
They never mentioned what number to use to call in because I have a good one. It's controversial, I know, but so far everyone I have discussed this with agrees.
It's Led Zeppelin's Stairway to Heaven.
Think about it. This song is the fourth on a truly classic rock album, Led Zeppelin IV (sometimes referred to as ZOSO because of the four seals used on the cover and label of the actual record). People tend to classify Zep as Heavy Metal but in fact I think they are hard rock rhythm and blues. I point to I Can't Quit You Babe, The Lemon Song, and Since I've Been Lovin' You from their first three albums as examples of their raunchy and hard but undeniably blues style. Heck, on IV, When The Levy Breaks is a serious contender in that catalog...
I digress. Some may wonder why I label Stairway - a song held by many to be "the greatest rock song ever" - a turkey. In truth it is not a bad song (True Confessions: Loved it in High School I did), although it is kinda dumb, but to those who query my answer is "Have you listened to the rest of the album?"
Black Dog kicks it off, demanding your involvement. Right on its heels is Rock And Roll (just try to deny that is not R&B). No. It does not make me want to buy a Cadillac, but watching Cadillac commercials now makes me want to listen to more Zep. Next up is Battle For Evermore, homage to Tolkein and clearly there as the song during which one refreshes one's refreshments-of-choice so you can be all set for...
...What's this? Sounds like overwritten and painfully wrought acoustic guitar with lame flute accompaniment. Plant 's vocals are angst-to-the-gills-with-a-message-of-maybe-wisdom. "Um, am I supposed to learn something about materialism here? Will it hurt?" There is a little bit of "uh-oh" when the May Queen starts her spring cleaning (in my worst moments I see a foreshadowing of Safety Dance moments, mayhaps?). Then trumpet-like guitar fanfares herald a change in mood and suddenly Page is taking us through a guitar solo... ... ... that sounds a touch too-carefully crafted to my ear ("Wasn't Rock And Roll like two songs ago? Who is this guy and where's Jimmy?"). Best line of the song is "shadows taller than our souls" in the end bit that has the heavy guitar, bass, and drum double rhythm reminiscent of Good Times, Bad Times and Whole Lotta Love. This suddenly winds down to "AAAnd she's buy-yiy-ying a star-air-way... (wait for it) ... to hea-veh-hennn"
Silence.
I'm starting to worry a little here. Maybe I'd better turn the record over.
Der-der-de-de-de Der-der-de-de-de
Bow-bow-bow-bow-bow Bow-bow-bow-bow-bow Tinkata-Bim-Bam-BOOM
Misty Mountain Hop! The guys are back from their break - everyone on their feet! Four Sticks follows. Four Sticks, people. Going To California is next. Not a bad little tune and a nice break to set you up for John Bonham's This-Is-What-You-Came-For opening of the storm doors to let in When The Levy Breaks.
Fantastic rocking album with seriously good and hard music with plenty of variety and passion. In all this, Stairway, albeit worthy in it's own way, falls gobbling into shadow. The tempo is terrible, the imagery puerile, the music unenthusiastic, and now when I listen to it I have a bit of an "is it over yet?" feeling.
As I say above, used to love it, but it's all over now (apologies to the Beatles).
Misty Mountain Hop, Led Zeppelin
**ADDENDUM 18-Jan-07**
Now that you've read the above, read this.
